I have this desire to write, to write all my feelings for the World to read.
To write of; the feelings of depression I used to have, the day it stopped, the day I decide to change my physical self in order to work on my emotional self, the day that my bf came into my life, the day he left emotionally, the way I fought to struggle to hold on, to the day that I stopped fighting but just hang on still by threads. I want to write about what motivates me usually, what or who motivates me now, write about the desire I feel to be someone else and do things that I never dreamt that I would do. I want to write about the rollercoaster of emotions that I go through just on one day alone - how some days could really be good and how others really really bad and how some of these days actually merge into one - leaving me exhausted in a way that I don't want to think but just can't stop. I want to write of my dreams of independence and freedom and my aim to make it happen soon and the fear that it will.
I've put myself against a wall and a hard place and now I'm feeling the ramifications of it. I know that this feeling will go away with time...but I just want it to go now.
I have this desire to write, wishing, hoping that it will take away the pain if I just voice it or put it into words....but it doesn't help one bit!