Something's gotta give!

Change is such a difficult notion for some people (and for 'some people' I mean ME - atleast for the purpose of this blog).  

When other people or things have to change it's easier to accept or go with the flow but when the change affects you or has to start with you...then suddenly it becomes the hardest decision or task to undertake.

There's something major in my Life that I need to change and I can't tell you how much I've analyzed and pyschoanalyzed the situation - tried to see it from both sides of the coin - tried to see whether I'm just going through a phase - tried to see if I could just leave things the way they are & hope for the best or for things to right itself.  But everything keeps coming back to the same thought!  Change is a must!

People say sometimes that for a person to want to effect the change they need, that something major must occur in their life to trigger it.  But in my case, it's been a series of small occurrences.  Occurrences that when you put them by themselves, are minor and inconsequential but when you add them up, day after day, month after month or year after year - could turn out to be catastrophic.  And, I think (at the chances of being totally cliche) that I've truly reached the end of the rope!

I still wonder though whether I'm not giving the benefit of the doubt.  Whether I'm just giving up or whether it's because I've just stopped caring and that's why I'm ready to effect this change.  Am I truly asking myself the right questions?  And, are the answers to my questions skewed towards my own self-preservation simply because I want this change?

Finding yourself or just simply changing?

"Finding yourself" is a weird phrase.  Where did 'yourself' go in the first place for you to have to find it?  Did you lose it, did it run away, did someone take it, did you lend it out? People say this phrase so often, I wonder if they ever evaluate the meaning of 'finding' yourself? I know what it's purported to mean....that you finally discover who you really are (after a Lifetime of not knowing your true self).  But it begs the question, if you never knew who you were before...then who's Life have you been living all your Life? 

Is it your Parents? Teachers? Is it Society's version of who you are suppose to be?  And then this 'new' person that you found in yourself.....where did they come from?  Wouldn't 'they' have had to develop 'their' personality from somewhere/person/s?  So then you didn't really find 'yourself'didyah?  You just found another person.  And what if you find this new self and adopt it as your new 'you'.....what if - in a few years you don't like this 'new' self....what are yah gonna do with it?  Lose it again?  Go back to your 'old' self or do you 'find' yourself all over again?

It's all mind boggling isn't it?  Well it's certainly something to think about before you use the phrase.  Just admit to the fact that you are changing...it's a natural course of Life - Change!  Be happy or sad with the change and move on in Life.  Live!