"He who writes, reads twice"

"He who writes, reads twice"

Friday, November 13, 2015

BEEN A WHILE...

Read a friend's new blog today and it led me back to here.  I haven't been writing for a while...and I realize why....I've been so busy keeping busy.

It's nice to go back and read what I've written before...see where I am now emotionally mostly, even physically - (although I've fallen off on my "new" fitness regime for a bit there - but now that I know I can do it - I'm not worried about it....it'll happen).

Thursday, June 13, 2013

1 yr later

A year later and life hasn't changed that much.  Sometimes I feel like a top spinning in mud.  But as long as I'm happy right?  Or at least at peace with myself?  Still trying to figure out whether I am emotionally at the stage I want to be. Physically, I know I'm not - but the physical things can change, can be manipulated through shear will and power but the emotional stuff are the things that are out of our control.

You think you are happy, you think Life is just where you want it to be.  Because sometimes things are really at the right place for you and you find yourself smiling more than frowning, laughing more than crying.  Until the late night fears, doubts and questions nag at you making you lose sleep.  Your wants and desires overtake your needs.

Some day though, all will be right....or that's what you keep telling yourself so you keep going!



Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Followings

Need a tutorial on increasing my followings/audience & spicing up my page.  Any takers?

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

WISH I COULD BE A ROBOT!

Emotions are a hellava thing!  You struggle to hold on to them, you struggle to let them just go.  You pretend with people that you don't care but you secretly need them to know that you do.

But I've realized it's harder to keep the pretense up than not or do I just wear my feelings more on my shoulders than anyone else?  I thought I was getting there..that place where no-one or nothing can hurt me....but I was wrong.  All these walls I've built over the years and still those dark, creepy, sad and angry emotions are climbing over and engulfing me.


Friday, July 27, 2012

Adjustment Bureau

It's been almost a month now that I moved out on my own (yes, this was the change that I'd needed and eventually initiated).

It took a lot out of me to get to this stage.  I'd fought so long and hard internally to deal with my issues and my emotions.  All my doubts playing over and over, giving me reasons to hold on to something that I needed to let go of.  There were constant road blocks in my path for a new life and I eventually got over the hurdles of fear and doubt.  I finally made the move.

The funny thing about change though....is that the preconception that you have of what will happen when the change is effected...is never what really happens.  So I'm spending a LOT of time figuring out things...adjusting, getting to know myself.  I've thrown myself into social events to occupy myself but at the end of the day, coming home to myself to face four walls each day is not quite what I imagined single life would be.

It's still been a very liberating experience all the same.  I don't have to answer to anyone, I can leave my clothes where I want to leave them, wash the dishes when I feel, cook when I feel to and enjoy the quiet solitude an empty house affords you.   All of this will change when my 7 year old comes home from vacationing with her grandparents though.  Yet another albeit welcomed change to my new schedule.

I look forward to the future, but there is that lingering thought......"what does my future hold for me?"


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Why?

People are always reititerating that quote that "people come into your lives for a reason"....but when will you EVER know what that reason is for?  20 years down the line - when emotions have already been lived and cried over?  When you no longer have any feelings?

I need to know why NOW.  Why were you in my Life, before, now, ever?????

What have I learned?  How have I grown?  What did I take away from my encounter/s with you?  And what would it matter when I figure out the answer to these questions??????????

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Tick,tock,tick,tock,tick,tock,tick,tick,tick,tick......

So I finally initiated that change that I've been talking about in my past posts...and when I say "initiated" I mean just initiate....nothing physically has changed as yet....a talk was had and things are in motion but nothing has actually happened as yet.  It seems to be the story of my Life recently...where nothing in my Life happens instantly....everything is gradual.

I keep wondering if there is a reason for the gradual part....is there some lesson I'm suppose to be learning from this while the wheels are in motion and nothing's actually moving?  Am I suppose to churn along with time until I figure out the answer?

I know deep down that this change is what I want, what I need actually...so why does it feel as if the second hand has slowed and time is working backwards instead of moving foward?  I want this now!

At times like this I feel helpless in my own body.  My mind keeps playing tricks with me.  How patient can one person be when it's not the future we're dealing with but the present?!