"He who writes, reads twice"

"He who writes, reads twice"

Tuesday, July 31, 2012


Emotions are a hellava thing!  You struggle to hold on to them, you struggle to let them just go.  You pretend with people that you don't care but you secretly need them to know that you do.

But I've realized it's harder to keep the pretense up than not or do I just wear my feelings more on my shoulders than anyone else?  I thought I was getting there..that place where no-one or nothing can hurt me....but I was wrong.  All these walls I've built over the years and still those dark, creepy, sad and angry emotions are climbing over and engulfing me.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Adjustment Bureau

It's been almost a month now that I moved out on my own (yes, this was the change that I'd needed and eventually initiated).

It took a lot out of me to get to this stage.  I'd fought so long and hard internally to deal with my issues and my emotions.  All my doubts playing over and over, giving me reasons to hold on to something that I needed to let go of.  There were constant road blocks in my path for a new life and I eventually got over the hurdles of fear and doubt.  I finally made the move.

The funny thing about change though....is that the preconception that you have of what will happen when the change is effected...is never what really happens.  So I'm spending a LOT of time figuring out things...adjusting, getting to know myself.  I've thrown myself into social events to occupy myself but at the end of the day, coming home to myself to face four walls each day is not quite what I imagined single life would be.

It's still been a very liberating experience all the same.  I don't have to answer to anyone, I can leave my clothes where I want to leave them, wash the dishes when I feel, cook when I feel to and enjoy the quiet solitude an empty house affords you.   All of this will change when my 7 year old comes home from vacationing with her grandparents though.  Yet another albeit welcomed change to my new schedule.

I look forward to the future, but there is that lingering thought......"what does my future hold for me?"